Day 3

I had an epiphany today.

All my life I have defined myself by the number on the scale. I knew that if I weighed 125 lbs. my life would be perfect. Suddenly at that magic number I would like myself. I would like my body. It would function perfectly. I could run for mile without tiring, lift 200 lbs over my head with ease. The grass would be greener, the sky bluer, blah blah blah. The world would just be better. I have dieted, starved myself, and used other very unhealthy ways to get this “perfect number”. The Magic weight. Even my positive affirmations have a specific number that I have to be.

Well guess what I realized today. The number doesn’t matter. I want to be healthy, lean, strong and fit. I don’t care what a stupid scale says. I care about how I feel, and how I look. People have tried to tell me this for years. They have said “you don’t want to be skinny fat”. I thought that was so stupid. I would rather be thin without muscle or strength than large and fit and strong. Well not anymore. I want to be healthy. Period. If healthy for me is 175lbs then that is exactly what I will be.

So I am changing my affirmation today.

“I weight the perfect weight. I am lean, strong, fit and healthy”

I have to be honest, this challenge for me started out as a weight loss plan. On my first post I know I said that if I changed my opinion of my body and nothing else it would be worth it. That was a lie. I was saying that because in my mind I thought “I will lose weight doing this, so therefore I will like my body better”. I knew I would lose weight and that was all that mattered. I could eat nothing but mean and veggies for 30 days, in order to lose the weight I needed to lose.

I got the whole30 book yesterday “It starts with food” yesterday and after reading only the first 3 chapters (along with other factors) I had my cosmic shift. Because of this I have a whole new goal for my whole30 journey.

I want to change the relationship with food. I want to change my relationship with my body (for real). I want to give my body the proper nutrition it needs to excel in every aspect.  I want to be healthy.

That being said. Here was my food journey today.

For breakfast I had an omelet with smoked Andouille sausage, spinach and mushrooms inside.

Lunch- left over BLTA without bread and sweet potato fries.

Dinner- I originally was going to do Kathy’s famous pork chops, that has Worcestershire sauce in it. I looked high and low and there is no Worcestershire sauce that doesn’t have sugar. So change of plans. I went through my pantry and fridge to find something I could use as a sauce/marinade for my boneless pork chops. I decided Dijon mustard would be tasty. I used that, olive oil, paprika, coriander, garlic powder and dried onions. It made a pretty thick spread. I slathered it all over the pork chops then grilled them. Very tasty! We had green beans with ghee, salad with TessieMae’s Lemon Chesapeake dressing (super tasty! I actually dipped my pork in it. It would be an amazing marinade) and 2 strawberries sliced for dessert.

I have to be careful with my sweets. I don’t want to give Sugar-sauras-rex any more fuel than he already has. I know fruit is ok to eat in moderation. Moderation to me means maybe one serving a day. Maybe.

Happy news though. I didn’t snack at all today! Not even one little thing. I had my meals and that was it. Not an easy thing to do. When I got home from work I was so “hungry” I thought I was going to die. I reevaluated my hunger. Was I really hungry? Was I bored? Was it just the time I usually snack so it’s just a habit thing? I sat down, read my “It starts with food” and “well fed” books and drank my Kombucha. And guess what? I wasn’t really hungry. My mind just thought I needed something to eat because I always have an “after school snack”. Not anymore. I was completely content reading and drinking my Kombucha. Huge milestone for me.

Even with my cosmic shift today it wasn’t easy. I lay in bed feeling cold and achy, thinking about all the goodies I wanted to eat. It was like a horrible slide show of treats and fatty foods. My body was feigning for sugar hard core! It didn’t help that a few hours before at scouts the boys were eating Mike and Ike’s. Just the smell of the sugar made my mouth water. For a moment I was mad. I was mad at myself for doing this. I thought to myself “this isn’t worth it”, “I don’t want to and can’t do this anymore”. When I got home I was discouraged. I didn’t want to eat like this anymore. (It’s only been 3 days) Then my lovely mantra came to my head “I am the perfect weight. I am lean, strong, fit and healthy”. My anger went away. The slideshow and thoughts of food I wanted didn’t, but I was ok. I made it through another day.

Today’s challenges:

·        Sugar-sauras-rex is still my biggest enemy

·         Not snacking

Things I learned today:

·         I can survive without “an after school snack”

·         Well fed by Melissa Joulwan has some killer recipes in it

·         I am in charge of this journey, my weight does not define me

·         I can make homemade ranch dressing that is whole30 approved!

·         Coconut aminos taste like soy sauce. Chinese food, here I come!

·         I have a new motto: “I am the perfect weight. I am lean, strong, fit and healthy”

Whole30 fact of the day: the original whole30 was called “change your life in 30 days” and was written on the founders’ fitness blog. Within weeks hundreds of people doing it.